You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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