just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
