I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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