My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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