The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
