erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
