You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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