I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
