i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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