summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
