these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
