Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
