If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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