I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
