i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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