i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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