A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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