Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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