Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So squirting runs in the family.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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