I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
