my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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