even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
