i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
