i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
