She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
