I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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