i don't like sucking hair
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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