I can tuck mytits in my pants
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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