Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she looked like the before picture.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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