dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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