I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
