Im at strip club and am horny
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
