Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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