I wanna passion pit in your ass
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
