drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
