and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Randomize
