Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
