can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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