The best revenge is premature balding
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
