nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
