your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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