you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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