neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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