btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
