So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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