help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is Oprah even human
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
