My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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