Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
