just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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