How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
