We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you had me at cake vodka
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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