Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
