Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
