so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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