so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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