i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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