____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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