Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
