Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
