The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize