I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I intend to get homeless drunk
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
