Redeem this text for a blowjob
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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