things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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