At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
