There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
