His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there was a trapeze. enough said
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We have started to decorate penises.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
