I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
