I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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