My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
