my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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