I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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