John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I supernannyed him into submission
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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