Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
