Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
