i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
