Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.

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  (512): I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up. http://tfl.nu/4fq7
  Replies (14) Good night (575) Bad night (2154) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."

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  (508): She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth." http://tfl.nu/jx23
  Replies (5) Good night (2775) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I could make wine with my vomit

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  (503): I could make wine with my vomit http://tfl.nu/9wng
  Replies (4) Good night (660) Bad night (2638) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says

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  (609): If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says http://tfl.nu/zgg0
  Replies (30) Good night (792) Bad night (4114) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.

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  (757): he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so. http://tfl.nu/ifvf
  Replies (42) Good night (7343) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.

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  (970): I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower. http://tfl.nu/95p5
  Replies (8) Good night (3129) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.

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  (908): Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain. http://tfl.nu/ncmc
  Replies (9) Good night (4379) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  People are yelling about how much they want you here.

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.

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  (651): People are yelling about how much they want you here. (563): I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled. http://tfl.nu/lpre
  Replies (4) Good night (2342) Bad night (569)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.

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  (865): I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me. http://tfl.nu/r0al
  Replies (8) Good night (2889) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.

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  (814): So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird. http://tfl.nu/r3xq
  Replies (3) Good night (1112) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.

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  (404): Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me. http://tfl.nu/r7qw
  Replies (10) Good night (1949) Bad night (414)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done

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  (936): im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done http://tfl.nu/rjb2
  Replies (2) Good night (700) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward

  (213): View more from California

  There's a lil minaj in everyone

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  (323): I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward (213): There's a lil minaj in everyone http://tfl.nu/33cz
  Replies (7) Good night (1600) Bad night (656)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.

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  (734): Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had. http://tfl.nu/a9pp
  Replies (7) Good night (576) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.

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  (715): After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted. http://tfl.nu/w4vl
  Replies (4) Good night (411) Bad night (991)

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