i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off