Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
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All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.